Template for this year's "Lost Hiker" threads

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dvbl

Guest
It's still early, but soon it'll be that time of year when hikers get lost / injured / rescued in brutal winter mountain weather, followed by the inevitable discussion on this and other outdoors sites. The discusssions seem to be almost identical from one event to another. So, in an effort to streamline the process, I've created a preliminary template. It is by no means complete; not every (or any) field will apply to everyone, but it might cover many people's needs.

****************************************************

[Insert Title]

[Insert brief description of incident with link to newspaper article]

[Insert sincere positive thoughts and prayers of a safe return]

[Insert updated link with no new concrete information]

[Insert speculation and conjecture based on incomplete and/or inaccurate news reports]

[Insert more positive thoughts and prayers]

[Insert gallows humor that sounded funny in your head as you were typing it but in fact went over like a lead balloon]

[Insert updated link indicating a successful rescue and that initial news reports were completely off the mark]

[Insert apology / admission that your earlier speculation and conjecture were dead wrong; in other words...leave this space empty]

[Insert sincere words of thanks and relief that it turned out as well as could be expected]

[Insert smug arrogant condemnation that this newbie was unprepared and had no business being there so ill-prepared]

[Insert ...... nothing..... because that newbie was you 7 years ago, and that thought scares the hell out of you]

[Insert......anything at all....just to use it as a reason to include an anecdote about how hardcore, fast, and gnarly of a winter mountaineer you are]

[Insert a valuable anecdote about a similar mistake you once made and how you learned from it and it helped you and others around you become better, smarter, safer hikers]

[Insert ....nothing....... lurker]

[Insert more speculation and conjecture and condemnation regardless of the facts staring you in the face]

[Insert endless debate about "light and fast = safety" versus "gotta be prepared for an unexpected night out"]

...lather, rinse, repeat...

...
 
dlvb, you are such a funny guy, this post is pure intelligent humor.

But you forgot something :

[Insert intelligent comments about the thread that are actually saying '' vfttr's are all either pathetics, braggarts, stupids or pretentious people'']
 
and you might add:

[Insert second, maybe even third, thread to repeat the news] [Insert: locked]
 
[Insert intelligent comments about the thread that are actually saying '' vfttr's are all either pathetics, braggarts, stupids or pretentious people'']

I think that should be an AND not an 'or'. :)

[Insert comment about dog leashes]

Jay
 
[Insert something about Owl's Head summit (s)....}
 
Man, I was gonna post something just like this, but you beat me to it!
However, I would have made it into a poll...
I should flame you for being more creative than me! ;)
 
you forgot the part where some VFTT'ers need to add the snide 2 cent comments at the end of posts - in an attempt to make others think they are taking the high road by saying "they are not saying anything".
 
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giggy said:
you forgot the part where some VFTT'ers need to add the snide 2 cent comments at the end of posts - in an attempt to make others think they are takling the high road by saying "they are not saying anything".
Also forgot to mention where some idiot invariable drops a turd on the conversation, evoking some irrelevant non-sequitur about a fabricated shooting incident in the Whites, or some pervert hiding in the loo. I'm tellin' ya, some people on this site got problems...

-Dr. Wu
 
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dvbl said:
[Insert smug arrogant condemnation that this newbie was unprepared and had no business being there so ill-prepared]

[Insert ...... nothing..... because that newbie was you 7 years ago, and that thought scares the hell out of you]
...


Unless the newbie learned from this thread to not go unprepared into the woods. Unless he learned what common sense things to take on a day hike. I know that I have no problem learning from the mistakes or experience of others. When I start a new hobby, I read about the subject and seek out people who (like members of this forum) have knowledge about the subject. I don't use just one source because people don't always agree on correct methods. I then use my common sense and make a decision. I was able to skip that whole screwing up for a seven year period by doing this. By learning from experienced people. Of course when I started they didn't have the internet. Back then it was only books. :p

Like I have always tried to teach my boys. Try to make certain in whatever you do, you are not that person that other people point to as an example of the wrong way to do things. Books are your friends. The internet can be also.

Just my $.02,
Keith
 
[insert post chastizing those who commented on the stupidity of wearing light-weight jogging gear above treeline in winter because we've all done something stupid, and the lost hiker's feelings will be hurt]..........
 
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