A question of balance

Someone recently gave me a book Your Money or Your Life. Normally I'm allergic to self-help books, but this one clicked for me. I was amazed at how little time I spend with family and hiking, compared to working.

How do you FFTTers balance your life?

1) work
2) family
3) hiking and outdoor activities

Any stories you'd like to tell?

1) Family
2) Work to support family and buy gear
3) BikeHikeSkiFishing

It isn't easy Do 1 and 2 well and 3 will fall out of it.

Tim

This sounds about right for me... 1) family, 2) career, and 3) force myself to find time for the rest.

Alot of people in the past 5.5 years (dissertation) have tried to convince me that "science is life".

It is for some people. I do what I need to do and make a good effort at work. Science deserves the attention for fair and just comparisons/conclusions and attention to detail. However, my life requires balance including family and the outdoors as well. I am sure this is the case with most people.

Sometimes this means go home on a Friday at 5pm, buy food, start packing, hit the road late, and not arrive at the trailhead until 2am. Then come back late on Sunday and deal with unpacking, drying gear and dishes on the weeknights. This routine is somewhat tiring but entirely worth it.

I appreciate the comments. I guess this is a philosophical question. Maybe I have more homework to do, to study up on this.

blacklab2020 said:

This sounds about right for me... 1) family, 2) career, and 3) force myself to find time for the rest.

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For a bit of my story: I used to do the blacklab thing. I'd squeeze hiking in. The pack was full, just add the food and go. Sleep in the car at the trailhead. But somehow that fell aside.

I'm sure many of us, myself included, live in "internet time" (I'm probably dating myself by using that phrase). We're constantly connected, always working, perhaps pushing personal activities to the back burner.

But I wonder if, and how, you find time to make those long trips you've dreamed about. Some have finished the 4000 footers. Is that years of careful weekend planning? Do you plan to wait for retirement to tackle them? Or, on the flip side, is there a career path you've chosen that feeds into your outdoor life? Or is this just fanciful thinking?

About a year ago,after a lot of late night discussions worrying about $$, my wife and I decided that it just didn't make sense to have us both work out of the house full time. We have three young kids, and it was just insane trying to make even something like a Dr's appt. fit in to our crazy daily life. My trade is more suited to working from home, than my wife's is, so I quit my job, started my own business from home, and I'm "Mr. Mom". I can set my own schedule, which means I get out in the woods when I can, while the kids are in school ( 1/2 day preschool for the younger two), and take them with me hiking when I can( small stuff, but getting longer all the time . My kids won't end up with Nature- Deficit Disorder if I can help it!! I usually get one or two "long" kid- free hikes in a month. I end up working at night, after the kids are in bed, but its worth it!
Everyone's situation is different. For me, It's not so important where I go, just that I get some time in the woods each week to reflect, and recharge.

I'm tempted to say 3,2,1
Though family means alot to me, we don't have kids, and sad as it can be, most all our family members have died off, which in itself is a bit of a realitiy check.

Work...I have had more jobs than I can remember, If a job interfered with time off that I wanted for a trip or something I would just quit the job.
In my twenties it was a big deal if I held a job more than 3 months.
Subsistance jobs I think they are called.
..and I won't work for anybody, company or person, if I think they are a real as...hole

of course back then I lived in cars, bushes, under a picnic table, in a movie theater , etc...etc

Hiking & outdoor activities: the one constant through out my life..to this day I still sleep out doors when ever possible even if it's just in my yard..which is usually about once a week , give or take.

Still don't get me wrong I would stop the world if I could when it comes to helping family..whether it is to help them live or help them die...a big believer in the Hospice programs...

It's not that hard to fit the hiking/skiing/fishing/cycling in. You make it your priority. You do all your errands, yard work, honey-do "list" stuff on Saturday and work on the NH 48 list on Sunday. I learned early on that just because I can work from home doesn't mean I must. Work pays my bills. It is not that which defines me or gives me the most satisfaction. If I happen to really find a job enjoyable, that's just awesome, but I still separate work time from Tim time. I wouldn't last long with an employer who didn't feel likewise.

http://www.nwlink.com/~donclark/leader/leadtime.html said:

In First Things First, Stephen Covey tells a great story:
One day an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students. As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz." He then pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on the table. He produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them one at a time into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?" Everyone in the class said, "Yes." Then he said, "Really?"

He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing it to work down into the space between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?" By this time the class was on to him. "Probably not," one of them answered. "Good!" he replied.

He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand and started dumping the sand in the jar until it filled the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?" No!" the class shouted. Once again he said, "Good."

Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?"

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!" "No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point."

"The truth this illustration teaches us is that if you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all. What are the 'big rocks' in your life? Your children, your loved ones, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching others, doing things that you love, your health; your mate. Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. If you sweat about the little stuff then you'll fill your life with little things and you'll never have the real quality time you need to spend on the big, important stuff."big

So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the 'big rocks' in my life? Then, put those in your jar first.

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Tim

There is a saying that goes something like this:
"When you are drawing your last breath, you probably won't be crying out...oh, how I wish I had another day at work!"

Balance over time?

At least in theory I would say:

1) Family
2) Work
3) Outdoor activities

Though 1 and 3 are fairly entwined for us, in our constant-struggle-to-get-off-the-couch way.

A few years back I read an article in Business 2.0 (the journal-of-record of the DotBomb era -- but this one, I think they actually got right) that posited that "balance" over short periods of time is pretty much impossible to attain. If you're looking at a 24-hour period, there just isn't enough time to "have it all", and that a lot of us make ourselves nuts seeking something that just can't be had.

This article went on to make the perfectly reasonable argument that balance can be achieved over slightly longer periods of time -- week, month, maybe even a year. Sometimes you're going to be insanely busy with work, getting ready for a big presentation, or big install, or whathaveyou... and sometimes, you're going to have to / get to focus on family, or on having fun in your own way. If you're clear in your priorities, and good about knowing when to say when (particularly at work), then you can achieve something like balance over a month or more period.

I would also say that this is nice in theory, but that for most of us, work has a way of becoming all-consuming. A few years back my wife and I tried out an interesting exercise: we wrote down all the things that truly made us happy, however large or small. Then, on a separate sheet of paper, we wrote down how we actually spent our time -- both of us worked at "careers", we had a live in nanny, supported a big house in a nice 'hood, etc... the usual suburban gerbil wheel of escalating expectations and demands. Then, on a long drive to a cousin's wedding in central NY, we actually did the math of the proportion of our time spent doing the things we love versus doing the things we had to do to support our 'lifestyle'. As you might guess, the ratio was way out of whack.

The long result was, we repositioned things over a couple years so at least my wife could spend more time at home with the kids, get more involved in their school and their daily lives. Ultimately, we decided to move out of Massachusetts and back to NH. In our case, I still work the 'career' path, and my wife and kids get to spend their time in a mountain town -- so we've achieved a different kind of balance, in this case, across the family unit.

Bonus: I don't have to pack up and drive to the mountains on Friday nights and back home on Sunday nights... These more-relaxed nights are the gift we give ourselves. I have a slightly longer commute than I did in the Boston area -- but when I cross back into the mountains, I really feel like I am at home.

I would like to think that all 3 options can be intertwined. For us family is first. But being part of our family means being outside and hiking, we have always been outdoors, be it hiking, skiing, photography, whatever. When my brother and I go hiking we often talk about family issues, i.e., parents getting older, etc. If people say we don't talk enough, or do enough, then go hiking, because when you hike all you can do is spend time together and talk. Work is work. Many of us, ourselves included, could probably spend a lot of time being occupied with promotions and all that stuff. For ourselves, we've found it easy to turn down chances to advance secularly because it sucks too much time and energy away. We would rather have a job that doesn't pay as much, but is one that you can leave at the workplace at the end of the day and you can get away (to hike, of course)without worrying about it. Work pays your expenses, hence keep expenses low, and you don't have to work as much. Surely, we all work more than we want to.
Most rewarding is combining "work" with vacations. By that we mean that we combine our volunteer trailwork with our recreation hiking. Work a few days, then free-hike wherever it is we are interested in going, bag some peaks, see some falls, or whatever strikes us as interesting. There's not much better than that!

The mountains and leisure activities are a huge priority for me and not having children makes it easy for me to get up there when I want. My live-in S.O. has two great kids, one in art school the other in the Air Force so although I have "family" obligations, I'm not the go-to guy in that respect. My girlfriend supports all of my lifestyle decisions too, so I have the freedom to what I want.

I've never given a damn about work and I've never had a problem getting a good paying job (12 years of application software sales in Mass) and now a much less demanding job in NH where I work 7 days every two week period and still make a respectable income. This schedule is the only thing which keeps me even remotely connected to my job.

I've not nothing to bitch about. Family is more important to me than my personal lifestyle but they rarely interfere with each other. Life is good.

when it comes to defining or talking about balance I think the work-family-play triangle is quite handy. But, I find it a little too simplistic and artificial.

Rather, I often stop and ask myself if I am enjoying whatever it is I'm doing right then and there. Or if at least it leads to something I will enjoy sooner or later.

(One can substitute "has meaning" for "enjoy", ie I'm not referring to a hedonist's search for simple pleasures).

I feel I am more in balance when I spend the majority of my time doing what I enjoy, and most importantly, when it is not at someone else's expense.

This is tough for me because I have an addictive personality and tend to forget the people around me. I have needed and have had wakeup calls. It's an on-going process, this never ending search for balance.

Balance is relative..... and we all have different needs at different times.

Most everyone

loves their family and hobbies;the rub is "work." IMHO, if like most of us you can't produce your own food, shelter and transportation; the key is to find "work" that is fulfilling and preferrably helps and/or brings joy to others. otherwise, life really is a rat race...

Family

Work

Exercise

Climb when I can which isn't often enough and can be frustrating but I'm staying long term focused.

jrichard said:

Or, on the flip side, is there a career path you've chosen that feeds into your outdoor life?

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Yes! It's taken a good 15 years or so, but finally my outdoor photography is paying most of the bills. It's still a trick to work enough family time into things, but the work/outdoor activities differential has been shattered for the most part.
The only downside is that it's now very hard for me to go hiking without thinking about photography, but I suppose that's not so terrible.

Tim Seaver said:

The only downside is that it's now very hard for me to go hiking without thinking about photography, but I suppose that's not so terrible.

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Not for the rest of us, after your hikes anyway.