Funny Questions

[pudgy_groundhog]

Not a question, but a comment I overheard that made me giggle. When we were taking a break in Coyote Gulch in Escalante there was a group of junior high age kids with trip leaders also taking a break. The kids were playing around and when it came time for them to put their backpacks back on and continue, one kid was lollygagging. When the leader told him again it was time to go the kid responded with "noooooooo, the packs are eeeevil". Made me laugh -- I think we've all had days like that.

 

[Gris]

Several weeks ago, near the "summit" of Middle Sugarloaf, a really, really, strange woman asked me:

"Why do men have nipples...?"

One of the only times in my entire life I have been w/o a snappy reply (though I have since thought of some... )

This is a true story. SK can confirm!

 

[Stan]

Trapelo Road is an exit from 128 in Waltham. NOT near Tripoli Road.

Then, they were headed in the right direction ... if they were parked on the Kanc.

 

[Paradox]

A friend and I were in Algonquin Provencial Park, Ontario, in 1977. After two solid days of rain, we were struggling up a muddy hill on a portage, in pouring rain. I led the way with most of the weight, while my friend had the bulky canoe over his head. A bearded Canadian, obviously of English extraction came glissading/skidding down the hill, sort of half off balance, but still very impressive in posture. He skidded to a halt right in front of me, looked at me, and said: "Nice F*****' day, eh. I'll never forget his face or his accent.

 

[Nor'Easter]

You're kidding, right?

Whilst conversing with a fellow hiker at an outfitting shop, I mentioned something rather off-the-cuff about how much I love bears. "Bears are great. Bears are cool. Bears are nearly my reason for living..." yadda, yadda, yadda. All the while, a lady was standing nearby, listening (which, of course is just fine).

"Aren't you afraid of the bears?" she asked with nearly surreal sincerity.
"Nope!" I answered with enthusiasm. "I'm way more frightened of sharks." Don't ask me how or why I thought of that interesting little non-relevant addition.
Her jaw dropped and her eyes bugged as she demanded: "There are SHARKS in the Catskills?!"

True story.

P.S. Hey Stan! I just noticed that your identifying pic is of a black bear. I just chose a new one for myself and it happens to be pretty similar to yours. I'll change mine again to something more original. Don't want to get all up in yo' thang!

N'E

 

[TCD]

The one about the EEEEVVVIIILLLL packs struck a chord. Once as a young Boy Scout, our leaders got lost, engendering about 10 extra miles of hiking in the Pharaoh Lake Wilderness (ca. 1969). It was pouring rain, and the standard canvas packs, with their standard canvas contents, just got heavier and heavier. I conceived the idea of "The Pack Monster," which flew in like a Star Trek parasite, landed on your back, and then got heavier and heavier as it sucked out your strength. I've had a few packs that have reminded me of that day.

 

[Pete_Hickey]

It was about a year ago. I climbed Colden in the Adirondacks. I started early, and I was the first one on the summit. As is common at this time of year, there can be a lot of ice early in the morning. I was heading down quickly, and as I was descending the summit ridge, I met a couple on their way up.

"Be careful up there, there are some ice patches in some bad locations."

"OK, we will."

"There's one spot, where if you slip, you may keep on going down, like my partner just did."

"Your partner went over the edge? Where is he? Is he OK."

"I suspect he went all the way down, and is in Lake Colden by now."

"We have a CELL PHONE. Do you want to call the rangers?"

"No.... The last time they got mad at me. Told me they don't do rescues for stuffed animals."


They said nothing else, but just looked at me. I said good-bye, and continued on down.

 

[RoySwkr]

I remember once some tourist had a map which showed "Mt Washington" in Lake Winnipesaukee, I'm still not sure he believed me when I said that was the name of a boat and if he wanted the mountain it was a couple hours further north.

But I'm told somebody once showed up at the ticket office at Weirs Beach and asked, "When does the next boat leave for the summit?"

 

[evilhanz]

one of many

My wife and I were walking back to Zealand Road after spending a warm spring day relaxing at Thoreau Falls. We ran into a family walking in the opposite direction. "How much longer to the parking lot?" they asked. Considering where we were, I had to ask "Which one??"

They spent the previous night at Zealand Falls Hut and took a right instead of a left on their way back to the car. We still don't know how they managed to walk all the way through Zealand Notch without realizing they were headed in the wrong direction. Kinda hard not to notice Whitewall wasn't there the day before, don't you think? We pointed them in the right direction and saved the laughs for later.

 

[coldfeet]

One of the funniest was mine...

Aug 04 at EMS....I asked an employee there "hey mister, can u call this number and ask for Spencer...he's having a VFTT BBQ gathering in the ADK's and I've never been to the ADK. I want to know what I'll be doing and where I'll be going" Imagine how he felt...

So when I showed up that rainy morning at the gathering I was asked..."Are u the EMS guy?"...I had no idea what they were talking about until I realized what had happened the previous week....imagine if I was to embarrased to ever ask..

 

[giggy]

camp muir on mount rainier the day before 2 guys were heading to the summit

q: know how to put these on? (refering to crampons) I have never actually used them before.

 

[moonrock]

I also "scored" with a question (probably not original):

Solo-hiking (cool/wet) up Wright and Algonquin, with a mid-large size day pack, I kept "leapfrogging" a large group of hikers - mostly younger, and packing lighter.

They flattered me on my pace.
But finally, passing their 3rd or 4th "group break", I turned and bellowed out something like:
"Oh C'MON ! What the hell am I PAYING you people for ?!?"

BIG GROUP LAUGH: One of those "feel-great-with-strangers" memories.

MR

 

[carole]

This is a fun morning coffee read. Thanks for the snickers everyone. I can think of many but this is a recent one.

A couple is starting out at the trailhead. They walk past the sign, glance at it and continue. Then they stop. Man stands and waits while women goes back to sign and reads it and says, “I think so.”

I observe this as I approach. The man sees me and says, “Maybe she knows.” Woman asks me, “Is this the way to the top?”

(The sign says, “______ Trail to summit”)

I smile and say, “Yes”.

 

[snowshoe]

Here are few I have been asked in the past

- What time do you let the bears out?
- When does the tide come in (keep in mind they were talking about a 30 acre lake.
- That trail is dangerouse, you should take the rocks out.
- Can you put salt on the icy trails.
- How come you dont plow the trails.
- Are you making snow today on the ski trails. (It was Memerial day weekend and 80 degrees)
- Can you put a tent on the campsites.
- You should put lights along the trail.
If I think of more I will post them

 

[Toe Cozy]

Once while hiking out from Lye Brook Falls in Vermont a family of 4 were heading in. The 4 year old boy was out in front of the rest of his family. He looked up at my husband and I and asked, "Are you strangers?" I was trying not to crack up as I imagined his parents repeatedly telling him never to talk to strangers. Being a smart a** I had to say that "yes, we are pretty strange, that's for sure." He thought about that for a second and then said, "well are you good strangers or are you bad strangers? I'm not supposed to talk to bad strangers." By then the parents were close enough to get him moving again. It was pretty funny.

 

[julianne]

"What's a pretty girl like you doing carrying a big old axe like that?"

Julie, I've seen you with an axe and with a chainsaw. It's a scary sight.

-dave-

The greatest part was that I actually had the wit to reply "Oh, it's just because my parole officer won't let me have a handgun for another six months."

No one needs to be scared of me on the trail unless they are a blowdown. Or a macho dude with an ego that is begging to be deflated.

 

[pilgrim]

Years ago, we were new to the mountains, and decided to take a walk up the famous Mt. Washington on a hot July morning. We were classic newbies, practically a walking cliché: late start, sneakers, cotton clothes, no water (but a nice bottle of wine to enjoy at the summit).

Our hike up the Ammonoosuc Ravine Trail was brutal. We were exhausted by the time we reached the hut. My wife asked a croo guy, "Can we get a ride down from here?"

His response lacked the humor that some of you have shown in responding to ignorant questions and comments:

The greatest part was that I actually had the wit to reply "Oh, it's just because my parole officer won't let me have a handgun for another six months."

 

[KayakDan]

Afew years ago,my wife and I went up onto the Mendenhall Glacier to do some trekking. The guide starts handing out crampons to the group,explaining what they are. He then says"Ok,we will help you put these on,just line up here." I grab two sets and we walk over out of the way and start putting ours on. The guide says," I can help you with those." and I said"Oh,it's ok,we already own G-10s,we're good." His eyes widen,and he says"you guys do ice?!where??!!" I tell him New Hampshire,and he says,"Gawd,I'm dying to get to Crawford Notch,you guys are soooo lucky!"

"Ah,dude,excuse me ,but.... aren't we in Alaska right now?

 

[Tom Rankin]

and I said"Oh,it's ok,we already own G-10s,we're good." His eyes widen,and he says"you guys do ice?!where??!!" I tell him New Hampshire,and he says,"Gawd,I'm dying to get to Crawford Notch,you guys are soooo lucky!"

"Ah,dude,excuse me ,but.... aren't we in Alaska right now?

This just proves that Mt. Washington really *DOES* have the world's worst weather!

At least in the eyes of the Alaskans!

 

[professor]

Years ago, while working in Yellowstone Park:

"What is that white stuff on the mountains? Sand?"

Or the infamous question, probably an urban legend:

"When do the Elk turn into Moose?