Hiking Jokes

[Jay H]

Oops, sorry, I've attached the picture directly to this reply...

Jay

 

[Stan]

A guy walks into a bar and sees a priest, a rabbi, an Irishman, and a hiker and says.....

"What is this...a joke?"

Peace.

A skeleton finishes a Presidnetials traverse, walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

 

[Paradox]

Zippy told me this one:

A lonely hiker sees a sign that says "Talking Dog for Sale". so he walks up to the house and sees a farmer sitting on the porch. The hiker says (rather incredulously) "So you really have a talking dog for sale?" The farmer never looks up but just says "Yah, he's out back." So the hiker walks around the house and sees this dog sitting out back. He walks up to the dog and says "So, I hear that you talk."

The dog says "Oh yah, I can talk."

The hiker is blown away, he cannot believe that a dog can talk like that. So he says "This is incredable I have been pretty lonely out on the trail and it would be great to have someone to talk to. Tell me have you ever done any hiking?"

The dog says "Oh yah, I did the Appalachian Trail a couple years ago. It was pretty cool. Me and my owner ate free most nights because most any restaurant will give free food to the owner of a talking dog. I was also out in Yellowstone a few years back and was able to save my owner when he broke his ankle by going for help. I can read a map and compass too. My favorite place to hike is in city parks though. I mean chicks really dig a talking dog, and a guy your age could probably derive some benefit from that."

The hiker says "This is incredable, you wait here I'm going to go see the farmer out front and buy you." So he runs out front and says to the farmer "How much for the dog?" and the farmer says "10 bucks take him away." the hiker says "You've gotta be kidding! Ten bucks for a dog like that?" The farmer says "The dogs a liar, he never did any of that stuff."
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[cbcbd]

Rob and Jim were out hiking in the woods one day. The sun was out, but wasn’t too hot; the shade from the trees made for a cool stroll both on and off the trail; there was a gentle breeze, which made the air refreshing. It was a pretty nice day.

Suddenly, Jim spotted a grizzly bear only a few dozen yards up ahead, and caught fright. He whispered to Rob: “Hey... see that bear up ahead? We’re gonna have to find a way out of here without attracting his attention.” But instead of tip-toeing away with Jim, Rob put down his backpack and took out his running shoes. Flabbergasted, Jim urged: “Rob, what are you doing?! We gotta get out of here!” But paying no heed, Rob just unlaced his left hiking boot.

Looking up from Rob’s astonishing display, Jim noticed that the bear had by now noticed them. (He must have overheard the commotion or something.) Jim glanced back to Rob, who was slipping on his right sneaker, and cried: “Come on, man! We don’t have time for this! Do you want to end up lunch meat?!” Of course, Rob didn’t want to end up lunch meat; he would have rathered stay alive and in one piece. To Jim’s continued surprise, he was tying up his right sneaker. “What good is it going to do you to put on your running shoes? That bear has got to be at least 800 lbs, and can probably run over 50 miles an hour.” Just as he started to run away, Rob calmly replied: “Probably. But it isn’t the bear who I need to outrun.”

 

[David Metsky]

Hiking jokes, folks, keep it to hiking jokes.

-dave-

 

[KayakDan]

Two Irishmen decide to go on a mountain climbing holiday. They get all the gear together and start the climb. About half way up Sean says to Paddy"Geez Paddy,hold on,let's stop for a bit,I'm done in,and I've got a thirst ya could photograph" (add your own Irish accent )
"Alright then" says Sean,"let's knock off for the day,and go into town for a pint...we'll climb the other half tommorrow!"

 

[Paradox]

What do mountains talk about?



A range of topics.

 

[DougPaul]

What do mountains talk about?



A range of topics.

That one was anticline-actic.

Doug

 

[Paradox]

A doe runs out of the woods and mutters to herself, "That's the last time I'll do that for two bucks."

 

[erugs]

Brian: Is it your turn to carry the emergency kit?

Ellen: Yes, and I tested all the matches at home last night to make sure they work this time.

 

[Paradox]

Another hiker got caught by a boulder and this time he used a penknife to remove his entire left side. He's all right now.

 

[Ed'n Lauky]

A man was climbing a cliff when suddenly the rock crumbled under his feet and he started to fall. There was a small sapling growing out of the rock and he grabbed it. It stopped his fall but he could feel it giving way. The man looked down to what was a drop of a thousand feet and sure death and he cried out, "Help, help, if anyone is there please help."

Suddenly a voice came booming down from heaven, "You will do anything I ask?" it questioned. The man shocked to hear a reply to his plea yelled back, who’s there? “It’s God” the voice replied, “will you do anything I ask?" “I will gladly do anything you ask, the man yelled back, "but please save me."

The voice from heaven then replied, "There is only one way to save you but it will take courage and faith." The man sensed that the branch was about to give way and he said "Please, Lord, tell me what I must do and I will do it. Your will is my will." The voice from heaven then said, "All right then, let go of the branch." “What?” “You heard me, I said, Let go of the branch.”

The man looked down to a fall of a thousand feet and certain death. He looked up at the tree about to give way. There was a long pause. Then he yelled, "Is there anyone else up there?"

 

[Lefty E]

A hiker doing the Cohos decides to take a detour into Milan to pick up some supplies...she asks the first person she sees for directions to the nearest store, and follows the directions only to find the directions were wrong!! She says to herself," boy that person was stupid! I hope the people in the next town are smarter than that." She then reaches the town line on Rt. 110 and enters the town of.....Dummer!!!!!

 

[ExploreTheEast]

Uhhh... rated PG:

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, slipped quietly into the garage, got in my truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be worse than previously forecasted throughout the day.

So I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out hiking in that shit?"

Doh!






Orrrrr.... this one:

Three hikers are just finished half of a grueling dayhike up Half Dome- Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the rock's face, and is killed instantly.

After they return to the bottom, and as the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife. Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff. I'll do it.'

Later that night, he comes back to camp carrying a case of beer.

Ronnie says, "Where did you get that beer, Donnie?''

"Cooter's wife gave it to me!" Ronnie replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

"Well, not exactly", Donnie says...

"When she answered the door, I said to her- 'you must be Cooter's widow.' Then she said- 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow?'"

Then I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are!"

 

[Paradox]

After a long a hike, a thirsty kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a Fosters draft. The bartender pulls it and sets the beer down in front of the kangaroo and says "That'll be 10 bucks." The Kangaroo reaches into his pouch and pulls out a 10 dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. The bartender goes off and comes back after a few minutes and says "You know, we don't see many kangaroos in here." The kangaroo says "At these prices you won't see many more."

 

[ExploreTheEast]

What do you call a married couple walking thru the woods?
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Hitched-hikers!

 

[walker]

If a man is hiking through the woods and there is not a woman there to hear him ……..


Is he still wrong?

 

[bikehikeskifish]

If a man is hiking through the woods and there is not a woman there to hear him ……..


Is he still wrong?

If you are married, you already know the answer to this question.

Tim

 

[Raven]

If you are married, you already know the answer to this question.

Tim

Trust that those of us who are divorced are also quite familiar with the answer...

 

[Chugach001]

In coastal Alaska there are a mix of Grizzly bears and brown bears. Regardless of accuracy, the joke goes like this...

How do you tell if you're being chased by a Brown bear or a Grizzly bear? Climb up a tree and if it climbs up after you it's a grizzly. If instead the bear just pulls the tree up by the roots, it's a brown.

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