Well, I guess I will add my little extra bit to the fabulous trip reports already up. My trip report is much the same as the others except for summit day . . . which for me had its ups and downs so if you don't want a slight bummer of a trip report, stop reading now
I had an excellent trip up to Muir and a big Thank you to Arm for keeping me company with his great stories. Just getting to Camp Muir is a trip of a lifetime and I can't say enough how beautiful it was . . . absolutely breathtaking.
The rest day was good but in hindsight, I for one needed to go on to the Flats and that is a lesson learned for my next trip up there.
Summit Day was an emotionally difficult one for me and I learned that crying and hiking at elevation do not go hand in hand. I was feeling physically great the entire day actually . . . contrary to how it might sound. I was feeling strong and no altitude effects. However, my slow pace which has NEVER hindered me in the past because no rope team/glacier conditions has ever had to determine my speed came to bite me. I quickly became depressed a few hours into the hike on summit day and found out the hard way that a massive mountain such as Rainier requires more than just physical endurance. I felt emotionally and mentally beat down and even after switching rope teams though my spirits rose somewhat, never felt any confidence in myself.
Upon reaching the top of the DC (which took me 5 hours and 45 minutes), we stopped and according to my calculations, at my speed, and with the worst of it behind me (rocks are harder for me than steep snow) I knew I would make summit between noon and 12:30 pm . . . not bad for me BUT this I knew would increase the risk for myself as well as Bruce and Ed. If I was only taking the extra risk on myself, I would have continued but with my team members to consider, I thought it best to stay behind allowing them to pick up their pace.
It was by far THE MOST HEARTBREAKINGLY DIFFICULT decision of my life. My legs were feeling strong and my heart was telling me to go on BUT I knew that without me they could make it to the summit a whole lot quicker and I was at an emotional lowpoint of my life. If I decided to do what I wanted, keep pushing for the summit because I wanted the summit so badly . . . I knew it would be a selfish decision and I could live with quitting easier than risking the lives of 2 men who had been nothing but wonderful to me thoughout. Bruce and Ed, you guys are great and I thank you for your compassion, generosity, character and support.
I regretted my decision to abort as soon as Ed and Bruce began to walk away from me. The lump in my throat was the size of Rainier and the tears I cried sitting alone on that glacier for 6 hours were some of the worst I have cried in my life. In a place so beautiful words cannot describe it . . . I spent much of my time longing to be the arms of someone who loved me instead. That day marked the first time EVER I was in the mountains wishing I was somewhere else.
The trip was a hard one for me for reasons other than what one might think and more than I want to get into publically but I know with time I will regain my confidence and get back there. I have already convinced Brian to head back there with me next year to execute a trip more in line with my pace and I am looking forward to spending the winter training and improving my rescue and self arrest skills.
I will carry with me for a lifetime the memories created on this trip and Rainier is to date one of the MOST AMAZING places I have ever been and I look forward to going back there soon.
THANK YOU Ed for being a top notch organizer and a special Thank you to the ladies on this trip for the laughs and the tears
you guys are the best!!
sli74
